If this is the first post of mine that you’ve read, welcome! This post is part of a continuing series on running D&D for your children and their friends. If you would like to get up to speed, the start of this series is here.
Before we dive into setting up and running your first game of Dungeons and Dragons, I want to talk about thinking like a dungeon master. There is a lot that goes on behind the screen, and it can be pretty intimidating if it’s your first time. Don’t worry! There is an old gaming adage, ‘The best DM is the one doing it’ and it is very true. You are going to be good at this, because you care enough to try. I am just a mom who took on the DM role so her kids and friends could have the opportunity to play. The kids had fun, and ultimately, that’s what mattered. It will be the same for you. I’m going to break this down into what I think is important, what isn’t important, and what is b.s.
What’s Important
- Minimize the amount of time you spend preparing for your game. Whether you choose to run a written adventure or make up one of your own, don’t spend hours agonizing over every little detail. You will feel overwhelmed and upset when your players ignore everything you have painstakingly crafted. Review or create only what you need for the next session. If you run out of material, that is fine. You can either improvise or conclude early and continue next session. Your time is a commodity that you need to allocate appropriately.
- Establish expectations from the start. You are the DM. That means you run the game the way you see fit. It also means that you decide what is allowable and unallowable behavior at your table. I always lay out my rules and expectations with my players before we begin. I also like to meet with their parents beforehand so they are aware of my expectations. While this will look different for you, here are a few of the expectations I have for players at my table: don’t yell over other players, no evil alignment characters, no sexual references or coarse language, no player versus player combat. If you have a player that does not want to abide by your rules, ask them to find another table.
- Keep notes as you are running the session. Have your players do the same. It is highly unlikely that you will remember everything that happened from one session to the next. (I sure don’t!) That way you don’t have to spend a lot of time trying to remember where you left off or what happened. I like to keep notes of important things that happened during the session, things I changed on the fly, or funny little occurrences. I also like to encourage my players to keep notes of things their characters would like to remember. Ask your players for a recap of last session. It not only takes some of the burden off of you, it lets you know what is important to them.
What’s Not Important
- Knowing all the rules. A general understanding of the rules will get you through most parts of running the game. If you are unsure of a rule, either make a judgement on the spot and keep going, or stop and look it up. You can also assign a player the job of looking up the applicable rule when there is a need.
- Following all the rules. Yes, the rules are there to make the game interesting for all involved, but sometimes they just don’t work for you or your players. This is your game after all. Make the changes you see fit, or throw out a rule altogether if it isn’t working for your game.
- Building a detailed world. There are people who enjoy making rich, full worlds. I am not one of them. It is time consuming and a labor of love that your players are not going to interact with in the same loving manner. Giving them the bare bones, and then responding to them as they interact with things, is way easier and feels a lot more personal to your players.
What’s Plain B.S.
- Thinking you need to be an expert story teller and improvisational actor. If you have watched any content about Dungeons and Dragons, you likely have come across the people ‘playing the game’ on camera. In my opinion that is about as far away from reality as possible. It is purely for entertainment, and not an example of how your table should look.
- Spending a ton of money and time building elaborate maps and props. You can play this game for almost free. Check out my list of basic supplies here. The entire game can be played ‘theater of the mind’ style, which is just a fancy way of saying by using your imagination. While all the cool stuff can be fun, it just isn’t necessary.
- The political/social stances of Wizards of the Coast. I am well aware of what has been said, and I disagree with it. You don’t have to either to use the free rules and make a great game of D&D for your kids. Have fun, your way.
To put this all simply, the mindset of a dungeon master balances the desire to provide a fun experience for your players, with practicality. You are an adult with real world responsibilities outside of this hobby. Keep things simple and manageable, and both you and the kids will have a great time.
Questions or have something to add to the list? Leave a comment!